This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
