Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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