Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
