Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
