I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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