Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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