I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
