I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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