D3 body, D1 cock
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wear drunk well.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
