So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
