Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
