Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
