Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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