He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
