made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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