everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
