Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
