I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
