I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
