if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
