i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
