You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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