Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
