I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
