Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just forgot I was standing up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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