Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
