I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
