In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
