I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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