didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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