I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
