Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
