look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
