Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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