Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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