At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
