I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
