Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
