Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
