Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
