between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
