just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
