jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize