I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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