ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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