the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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