The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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