GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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