dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She bit a glass in half.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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