dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
