my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
