just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
