You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
