if only i could text you this smell
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
