doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
