omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
