We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize