dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
