the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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