Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
