she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
