Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
