Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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