Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
