Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
