just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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