either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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