also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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