don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
