turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you traded sex for a burrito?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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