i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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