Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
