you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize