I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
